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firelighteyes06
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Name: Anna
Gender: Female
Interests: Music and books, enough said. :)
Expertise: I guess this means I would have to be an expert at something, but I'm not so I guess I don't have any. Unless you count being accident prone.
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
AIM:  firelighteyes06
Member Since:
8/27/2007
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| The last part of my last post: Now there is a third guy in the picture, and I think this one might actually understand what no relationship means. We don't talk everyday and there is no compulsion to. When we do talk it is short and to the point. Planning to meet at the bar is quickly done via text because one of us is already there with our friends; planning something more like dinner alone is done in person or on the phone. Voice-mails are left if we couldn't reach the other and we respond when acceptable to. There is no feeling bad if it takes 4 hours to respond to a text because one of us was at work. When I talked to him a second time that I am not looking for a relationship because I didn't have the time or energy to put towards one; he panicked momentarily because he thought I was gonna say I DID want one. I DON'T and he DOESN't, this is perfect! He is a great kisser and fun to hang out with, I'm 23 and he took me on my first real 'get to know you first date'. I was awkward as hell but he was OK with that. We've been on two dates and both have been fun, but there is no pressure. Finally someone who understands what just dating is. I still have my stupid girl moments, but those are bound to happen. I mean its me they will without fail occur. Probably the best part about this is that no one is instigating it. I can actually go out with a guy and not have my friend trying to push me into a relationship. She understands I want nothing to do with that right now and is respecting that. Last time she muddled in my life like that, the end result was not a good one (he was the second guy in my last post). Life is going good for me. I am learning to juggle my responsibilities as an adult in the real work, work, relationships, and friends. Making the right decisions for myself and sticking with them. I understand that I can't make everyone happy and the only person who I should make happy all the time is myself. Friendships will have ups and downs, you just deal with them as they come. Truly, roll with the punches. I'm confident with who I am and that I can do this on my own. All that's left to do is find some place new to live and all will be golden. I am content with my life as it is and I am happy to come home every night to my new love, Leo. He is OK and cuddling, until he claws me in the face because he wants to play (Leo is my 7 month old kitten). till next time ~kAlk~ | | |
| I like to leave lulls on here of never posting, then posting periodically for a while, then forget about it again. It's nice knowing it is here when I need it and that only two people know about it. Now if the two of them read some of the things it may be a little weird, but that's a risk worth taking. It may be the only way some truths are found and the only way my writing can keep up with my sporadic thoughts. Many things have happened since May. I have semi destroyed one guy without warning, though he and I are talking again and working things out as friends. I know trying to be friends after dating is hard to do and might be darn right impossible/stupid; probably more the latter of the two. It is something that we need to figure out because we have the same friends from college and if we are to hang out with those friends we have to be able to act normally in public with out being in a relationship with one another. Things seem to be working so far, we still have our struggles such as not saying what first comes to mind or not reaching out that hand when inappropriate. He is making great strides in his life and I am truly glad for that. I've been thinking a lot about our situation lately and have come to some decisions. We both find comfort in what we had, and that isn't a good thing. When we've been seeing each other lately it has been one on one, that is going to have to stop. It leaves too many things open, too many things can happen that won't be good for either of us. We aren't right for each other anymore. It doesn't matter how blunt and straight forward you are with some people, they still don't listen. This second guy I hurt, in a way had it coming. I told him from the beginning that I was not ready for a relationship yet (I had just broken up with the guy in the last paragraph) and I was taking things day by day. In hind sight I was just looking for someone to pay attention to me in a 'romantic' way because I was hurt more than I was ready to admit. He did that for me. Everything for me was as it comes up with him. There was no one on one dating, it was always just hanging out with friends then being alone once everyone passed out. This summer was a blast and him being there added to it yes, but it was just that, a summer fling. As soon as fall came I was over it and different aspects of him started to show. The big one, he wasn't as open minded as he thought he was. We got into a discussion about religion that sealed the deal for me. I am very much a Christin and he is very much Atheist. OK be atheist I'm fine with that, I wasn't looking to marry the kid, but don't tell me as I'm explaining to you why I am who I am that my reasoning is stupid. I was over it then, but it really irked me that he knew what I was wearing for Halloween (a very sultry dress) and he went to CNU for a week. . . . REALLY!?!? Not to toot my own horn, but I looked damn good that night and he could have cared less. Needless to say he was still caught off guard when we had the talk. I don't see him anymore cause he doesn't want to come around with me there. It is an unfortunate situation because I was never as into the relationship as he was, and here we are almost 3 months later and he still wont come around. Need to meet the girls for lunch so. . . Till next time ~kAlk~ | | |
| I wish things could be different right now. I had to make a decision and now it has left both of us hurt. I can only hope that this could be a wake up call for him and the next girl will see the man I know he has the potential to be. All i know is that I hope this feeling in the pit of my stomach will one day go away. I just wish things were defferent. ~ kAlk ~ | | |
| I need this escape right now.
I graduated college in December and have moved back home because I still don't have a job. Hooray for unemployment! I'm actively searching and hoping I hear something soon. What's bothering me is that since I don't have money then I can't visit anyone I want to. Mainly my boyfriend who is still at school for another semester. I know that isn't a super long time, but we haven't had to spend time apart like this yet. It is harder than I thought it was going to be. I miss him terribly, more than I want to admit to him because I know there is nothing either of us can do about it. Its hard to change when you get used to something. Trying to talk on the phone is pointless because he doesn't like to, for multiple reasons that are his own. For some reason I can't help but think that he acts different when I am not there, and I don't understand why. I don't believe that I ever held him back from doing anything, I would always let him go with his friends when he wanted to. I just can't stop thinking that he is doing more without me there and having more fun as a result. Even I believe that I am being stupid thinking this, but I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I can't shake. Maybe it would help if I saw him and confirmed that I am over reacting, but I don't know when that will be. He is trying to come home next weekend, and I should be happy about that. Should be. He lives 30 minutes away from me and I know that if he does come home I will barely see him.
If only I had a job so I could still be living in my apartment.
Till Next Time,
~kAlk~ | | |
| In looking at my last post I'll give a little up date: things are a lot better. We worked things out and found that good middle ground and are happy as can be. At some point we all have to hit a little bump in the road.
Other time we wish we could just hit someone. . . like roommates for example. I don't understand how my one roommate (I have two) can manage to have her shit all over the apartment when she has the biggest room, her room is mine plus our third roommates put together (literally it's a shitty floor plan). It's not like her stuff is only in the living room either, it's on the couches, in front of out sliding glass door, all over the coffee table so no one can use it, all over the bar, and all over the kitchen counters. The worst part about all of this is that our apartment isn't that big. She just walks in the door and drops things as she walks to her room or as she runs to the bathroom. I don't know of any other 21 year-old who can control their pee. It's not like she has overactive bladder or she's afraid to pee in public or anything she just doesn't go pee when she first has to and she waits until shes at the point where she pees her pants, no joke. She did it not that long ago. I mean really what the hell is wrong with her. With the exeption of my room I'm a pretty neat person I like to have the kitchen in order and the place picked up because when I have friends over I want them to have a place to sit and not have dirty dishes everywhere. Today she asked me if I could clean a pot that had been out since friday and that's no big deal. I mean yeah I got lazy. But it was one pot three days. She on the other hand leaves all of her dishes cups, plates, bowls, pots, pans, etc. sitting out on the counter or in the sink not just for a day or two but as long as a week. It's not like shes done this just once either, she does it all the time and never have I once said a word to her about it. Needless to say I wanted to slug her as soon as she told me. Now I just got back 30min ago and how does the kitchen look (it was clean when I left) like shit she has somehow managed to cover it with dishes again and I really want to have an accident with a glass of coke on her computer that is sitting on the kitchen counter.
Then there is the issue of her boyfriend. I like the guy fine we're friends and all but I swear he is here more than I am and I see him more than I see my own boyfriend. He is constantly doing homework here, he is here when she isn't, he adds to her dishes, and has no idea how to shut a fricken door. I will go to bed tell them I am thinking that maybe they will be quiet or move to her room to watch tv, but no it's like the fact the my other roommate and myself are asleep means they can be as loud as they want and leave all the lights on (they shine into our rooms with the doors close). If I somehow manage to fall asleep before he leaves it will be pointless because I know when he leaves because he slams the door so fricken hard that it not only scares the shit out of me and wakes me up but so that everything in my room shakes. He shut it so hard one time that something actually fell off my dresser. I've tried saying something to her about it (nicely too) but either she didn't tell him or she doesn't care (I'm thinking it's the latter of the two).
That's really all the venting I can do tonight I'm tired and want to go to bed. Too bad I'll be woken up at 1am when he leaves. . .
Till next time
~kAlk
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